Fear of Opinions!
“Care about what other people think, and you will always be their prisoner”
– Lao Tzu
It was just another day at school.
I was there to pick my daughter.
I was clicking away on my phone chatting with my regular badminton group, on WhatsApp.
I suddenly raised my head and saw her standing there.
A good-looking lady in her mid-30s.
She was looking at me with a weird smile as if making fun of something or, ridiculing something.
I was startled.
I knew it would happen.
I had told my wife that I am going to be looking funny in that baby-pink t-shirt she had bought for me.
Pink was always for girls. Or, so was what we always believed.
Now imagine a guy in his mid-40s wearing a pink t-shirt!
And that too with a quote that read, “read between the lines”!
What else would you expect?
I was feeling awkward. I wanted to hide somewhere, so that nobody could see me
That is when I saw another lady walking towards this lady along with a guy. There were already smiling, looking towards me.
As they came together, they said something in a hush-hush way and then they started laughing.
I was sweating by then. You know that feeling when you realize that you are at the center of a ridicule or, joke!
By now, I have had enough. I wanted to move away from there.
So I turned away!
And that is when I noticed.
Just behind me was the east wing of the school.
3 kids were struggling to fix a flag-post onto the parapet of the balcony. With the heavy wind, they were struggling to hold the flag post and fix it.
The kids appeared as if they were swaying in the wind along with the huge flag and the flag post.
It was that funny scene that the 2 ladies and the guy, were actually looking at and smiling.
And all the while I thought, they were laughing at me!
That brings me to 2 very important questions –
- Do people really care about what you do, what you wear and what you think?
- Do you really need to be bothered about what people think?
Studies show that the single biggest fear that people have is “opinions“.
And that is one of biggest reasons why people shy away from doing a lot of things, in spite of knowing that it is the right thing to do.
Ironically, it is also the single biggest reason why people don’t follow their heart, when it comes to doing things that they always wanted to do in life.
If you really want to do well in life, it is important to detach yourself from “opinions“.
“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life.
– Steve Jobs
Detaching from the fear of opinions
Ignoring opinions can do wonders in life.
It can open new avenues and can take you places.
And all that is required is that one step – detach!
But why is this detachment so crucial for you and your success?
- Authenticity: When you stop worrying about others’ opinions, you start to explore what truly interests you, leading to genuine work and interactions.
- Confidence: Each time you choose your judgment over public opinion, you build confidence in your own decisions and abilities.
- Innovation: Great ideas often come from thinking outside the box, something you can’t do if you’re bound by the fear of judgment.
While I agree that it is not as easy as it sounds, let me also tell you that it is not that difficult too.
If you follow some very simple steps, you can easily do that.
Here are some very simple and practical steps that I have used in my life and which has helped me do that –
Reflect on Your Fears:
Like in everything else, the first step is to acknowledge and understand that there is a “fear of opinion” and that you are affected by it.
Once you agree, ask yourself, what specific opinions are you afraid of?
Are these fears based on reality, or are they exaggerated by your mind?
Is it something that can be fixed yourself or, would you need someone else’s help to fix it?
Once you have answers to these, it is easier to find a fix for the problem.
Seek Constructive Feedback, Not Approval:
We are so programmed from childhood that we always look to others for approval.
Get rid of that mentality.
You don’t need approval from others!
Learn to differentiate between helpful critiques and baseless opinions.
Take in helpful criticism and use it to improve while disregarding the latter.
Small Acts of Bravery:
Bravery is the app term to use there. Isn’t it?
Detaching yourself from opinions requires a lot of bravery!
Start small by making decisions that feel true to you, even if they might be unpopular.
Each small step will build your confidence and reinforce your independence.
Let not anything stop you from doing it!
Surround Yourself with Support:
We human beings are social creatures. We need communities and support to grow and thrive.
The fast-moving lifestyle and nuclear family setups have left very little time to build and nurture communities.
No wonder people are feeling lonely!
Anyways, let us not digress.
The power of communities in helping you detach from negative opinions is huge. They are in fact, the best way to build confidence.
Build a network of friends, family, and colleagues who support your true self, not the version of you that conforms to expectations.
Be amongst them and if you ever need support raise your hands.
Over to You!
Don’t hesitate to do things that you have always wanted to do.
You get one life and there too, you get very little time to do these things.
Don’t waste it on approvals from others who don’t deserve that precious time of yours.
Spend that time on yourself and your loved ones..
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